


Glitter and Gold

by audreycritter



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Unicorns, broken cars, canon mythological creatures, heights, jumping out of wreckage, train wrecks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 08:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17300960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audreycritter/pseuds/audreycritter
Summary: Dev and Jason just want chilidogs, but anytime they "just want" anything something seems to go wrong.





	Glitter and Gold

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a prompt fill for Cerusee's GoFundMe drive.

The train rattled on the track with ominous clicks as it rounded one of the elevated curves. The city sparkled below them, glittering neon in the distortion from the rain.

“We ought to have just bloody ordered in,” Dev said, staring mournfully at the rivulets running across the speeding glass.

“You know the place doesn’t deliver,” Jason said. He was sprawled out in one of the graffiti-covered seats, picking at the worn edge of a sticker someone had plastered to the curved plastic. “Chilidogs get soggy anyway.”

“They’ll get sodding soggy in this shite,” Dev said. He jammed his hands deeper into his jacket and frowned at the glistening, flashing light outside the train. He leaned closer to the glass, peering with a furrowed brow.

“What?” Jason said, craning his head to see.

“Is that a—”

The floor buckled beneath their feet and the walls rolled sideways like a thrown set of dice, with a deafening screech of metal. The shouts and screams of the few passengers were swallowed by the train’s own racket. Dev grabbed for a pole and clung for all he was worth. The car settled on its side with a groan and Jason was the first on his feet. He pounded against the emergency exit with his shoulder.

“Dev, a little…help…” he grunted.

Dev’s vision stopped spinning like a kaleidoscope and he brushed his hair out of his eyes to survey the train car. He tentatively put his feet down on the back of a chair, still clutching the pole like a ladder rung. The cars behind them were still upright, if a little crunched together.

“Everyone alright?” Dev called into the car.

“Fuck off,” a voice snarled from within the dim interior. Red emergency lights clicked on and basked everything in a hazy glow.

“I’m a doctor,” Dev said patiently.

“I said fuck off!”

“Dev. Some help,” Jason repeated. “It’s jammed.”

“I sodding hate this train,” Dev grumbled, cautiously releasing his deathgrip on the pole to slowly climb over to where Jason was still pounding on the door.

“If we…oh, there’s another pole,” Jason said. He straightened and grabbed it.

“If this opens, it opens on a drop,” Dev said, hesitating.

“Yeah, I’m going down,” Jason said, irritated. He seemed focused on something outside and Dev waved a hand in front of his eyes.

“Did you hit your head, mate? Just checking.”

“No, but you’ve got blood on your arm.”

“Oh,  _bollocks_ ,” Dev muttered, gingerly prodding at his seeping shoulder. “Alright. I’m not fond of heights so I’ll just huddle back here until there’s a ladder, if you don’t mind.”

The sound of sirens filled the distant air while they held onto the pole together and kicked in tandem at the jammed door. On the third blow it gave way, swinging open and leaving an open hole to a paved alley fifteen feet down.

The pole whined and snapped; Dev shrieked as he caught himself on the frame of the door and scuttled back a few feet, still dumbly clutching the broken pole.

“Dev,” Jason said seriously. “You’re nearly as tall as the gorram drop. It’s nothing.”

“Sod off, Zombie Boy. Not everyone can stare death in the face like you.”

Jason rolled his eyes. He peeled a domino out of his pocket and stuck it on his face.

“I’ll be right back.”

Dev suddenly remembered what he’d seen the second before the train derailed.

“Was that a bloody unicorn?” he shouted after Jason, who had hit the ground in a crouch and then sprinted to where a bubblegum pink unicorn was neighing wildly in the rain. It gored a car window with its horn.

With a whoop, Jason leapt on its back.

It promptly bucked to throw him off while he clung to its neck and held on. The next attempt, it flung him off and across the street where he tucked into a roll and narrowly avoided full-body slamming a fire hydrant.

The unicorn snorted.

“Oh, bloody hell.” Dev sighed, glanced at the alley below, closed his eyes and shoved out the door. He landed on the hard, wet pavement with a grunt, the pole still in his hand, and then threw it in the direction of the unicorn.

It clattered uselessly down the street, missing the creature by whole feet and sending up spray when it splashed into a puddle. It whirled to look at him. Jason stared at him with eyes wide in the domino.

“Why would you do that?” he shouted.

“A…a distraction!” Dev yelled back.

“But  _why_?” Jason yelled. “Why would throwing that at B’s angry unicorn help at all?”

“I was…helping!” Dev protested. “I thought it was going to attack you!”

The unicorn gave him a level, disgusted look and gored another car, lifted the broken door, and hurled it at Dev. He ducked with a swear.

“The fuck!”

“Call,” Jason shouted, launching himself at the unicorn’s back again. “B, and tell him Biscuits is here.”

The unicorn attempted to buck Jason off and then used its sparkling horn to throw another car door at Dev. He leapt over it as it slid across the pavement.

“Biscuits!” Dev howled at the raining sky. “What the bloody fuck is your entire family.”

“Don’t look at me,” Jason panted, arms locked tight around the unicorn’s neck. It was now trying to nip at his hands. “I just wanted a freaking chili dog!”

Dev jumped and snagged a fire escape ladder, yanked it down and clambered up to the first level with very little grace. He slipped his phone out of his pocket and hit the contact button, huddled to keep the phone dry.

It was answered on the second ring and Dev breezed past proper greetings.

“Hullo, Wayne, Biscuits is here and wrecked a train. He’s throwing cars at me so if you could get your arse to 45th and Pierce as quickly as fucking possible, Jason and I would very much appreciate it.”

“I’ll be there in ten,” was all he got in reply.

“Your da says he’s on his way,” Dev called down.

Jason was slumped on the unicorn petting its mane and talking quietly while it huffed through flared nostrils, but it seemed to be calming down. Dev didn’t say anything while he watched and after a few moments Jason patted the unicorn and then sat upright on its back.

“Wanna go get chilidogs?” Jason called up to the fire escape.

“ _With_  the unicorn?” Dev croaked.

“I’m not just going to  _leave_  him here,” Jason said. Sirens were nearing and the train groaned above them. The rain was letting up. “The cops will spook him again. I told him we’d get cookies.”

“You promised the unicorn named Biscuits some biscuits,” Dev said, closing his eyes. He felt a headache coming on and he rubbed his temple, and then remembered his shoulder had been bleeding— he glanced at it and it seemed mostly like it had clotted itself shut.

“Why do you think Bruce named him that? He fucking loves them.” Jason said this as if explaining to a stupid child that dogs were fond of greasy bones. “He says he’s in the mood for peanut butter.”

“The unicorn told you he’s…” Dev trailed off and glanced up at the train. He exhaled slowly. He slid down the ladder and dropped to the ground, the queasiness only starting to dispel when his sneakers were on the cracked blacktop.

“Well?” Jason said, absently stroking the unicorn’s mane.

“Bloody hell. Yeah. I still want a sodding chilidog. Let’s go.”

**Author's Note:**

> Biscuits is canon.


End file.
